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On Self-Esteem and Coasting Through Life
October 1, 2002
Michael Evans
 
Oh, brothers! Do we ever live in emotionally fragile times. The god of self-esteem, which is in the air we breathe, has been exalted to the highest throne.
This same air has also permeated the churches in our day. If you don’t think so, let’s do a little test: What did Jesus mean when he said “Love your neighbor as yourself?”
Is this a command for self-love? Is this a command to put #1 first so that we are more fit to serve others?
This command appears on the lips of Jesus (Mt. 19:19; Mk. 12:31; Lk. 10:27), Paul (Rom. 13:9; Gal. 5:14), and the Lord’s half-brother James (Js. 2:8).
So what does it mean? Are we to love ourselves and esteem ourselves highly?
The answer is a resounding NO! This is exactly the kind of murky theology which leads to weak-kneed men and jelly-fish children who are so vested in self that whenever the idol is threatened, the alarms go off, the nuclear war-head silos are opened and World War III looms.
Consider the warning from Paul against this very sin: “…in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemous, disobedient to parents,” etc.
At the very front of this list of sins is what many believe to be a virtue…something to aspire to…something to create in the lives of our children…the love of self.
So what does it mean to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself?”
I submit to you that what this two-sided command accomplishes is two-fold. First, it summarizes the second table of the Ten Commandments…those dealing specifically with interpersonal relationships.
Second, I think it is a prescription for how we are to treat other people. Namely, we ought to care for the physical and spiritual well-being of our neighbors as much as we naturally do for ourselves.
In other words, far from reinterpreting these verses to say “love your neighbor and yourself,” I suggest to you that it more accurately conveys the sense “love your neighbor as you already love yourself (in a sinful sort of way).
By nature each one of us is intensely interested in self. That’s the problem, not the solution.
The solution, of course, just as it always seems to be, is to love God with more fervency and genuineness. I cannot tell you how to do this other than to encourage you to ask.
Ask God to give or restore to you what you need to follow Him faithfully with pure and undivided heart. He loves to give good gifts to His children (Mt. 7:11).
Our happiness, our joy, our commitments…marriage, church, children, faith, etc. are oft-times inextricably linked to our current emotion of the day or perhaps to our perceived appreciation (or lack thereof) from others.
Perhaps you believe that you have had a curve ball thrown at you recently in the realm of your family or work, or a major house problem.
Perhaps you feel as though no one else understands what you are going through. You may be right, but more than likely, another man not too far away does indeed understand.
So rather than pouting and moping and pacing and barking why don’t we just ask for some help? Well, primarily because it’s simply not in the (sin) nature of a man to ask for help…and just barely exists in the new nature.
Where is all this going you (rightly) ask? I have a hunch that there are many men out there who are stagnant in their jobs or situation in life.
You love your wife and children, but you just have this nagging suspicion that you should be pursuing other work or ministry opportunities.
But…you’re reluctant. Why? Because security is by definition, safe.
Nearly every red-blooded adult male has thought of something like it…. as a kid anyway.
Larry Walters, at the age of 33 actually had the guts to do something about it.
One Saturday morning Mr. Walters went to the Army Navy surplus store and purchased 45 weather balloons.
That afternoon he strapped himself into a lawn chair to which several of his friends tied the now helium-filled balloons. He took along a six-pack, a peanut butter sandwich, and a BB gun - figuring he could shoot the balloons one at a time when he was ready to land.
He thought the balloons would lift him about a hundred of so feet into the air, but when he was cut loose - the chair soared 10,000 feet into the sky - smack into the middle of the air traffic pattern for the Los Angeles Airport.
He was too frightened to shoot any of the balloons and stayed in the air for more than two hours, forcing the airport to shut down its runways - causing long delays in flights.
After he was safely back on the ground, and cited by the police - reporters asked him three questions. “Were you scared?” - “Yes.” "Would you do it again?" - “No.” “Why did you do it?” - “Because,” Larry said, “You can't just sit there” (adapted from Andrew Wolfe, “Look Before You Leap”)
Great answer! You can’t just sit there. But we do, don’t we. We sit where it’s nice and comfortable. And what? We expect our children to be any different as they grow into adulthood? I don’t think so.
In Hebrews 13:12-14 the writer tells us that Jesus suffered outside the city of Jerusalem that he knew so well. Then he says, “Let us then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore. For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come.”
Life is way too short and spouses and children way too precious simply to “coast” through life.
Have you been thinking about a short-term mission trip…perhaps with the entire family? Why not do it next year?
Do you lack the motivation to look for a different job that will suit your interests and gifts more fully?
Some might suggest that you simply need to go to another Promise Keepers conference and hug some other men (and I’m not picking on P.K.).
My suggestion is that we simply need to acknowledge the sinful fragility of our contemporary selves, repent, and act like men.
There is something deep within the heart of every Godly man which longs for significance…and not just for self.
So brothers! If you are this day in the slough of despond as Pilgrim once was, do not despair.
Confess sin. Ask God for help. And then, do something. Don’t just sit there! Don’t stock up on weather balloons, but don’t just sit there!
For the sake of yourself, your marriage, your family, your sanity….yea even for Jesus’ sake, be sure that you are not just “coasting” through life.
Little eyes with big hearts and steep learning curves are watching you and imitating you. Tell me. What exactly are they seeing?
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On another note my wife Karla gave birth to Gabriella Jean on September 5th. Gabriella means “God is my strength,” and Jean means “God is gracious.”
Short of spiritual re-birth, I believe that human childbirth is the most unnatural, surreal, glorious, awe inducing, event that happens in this world…and every day!
To God be the glory for His marvelous work of creation!
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